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Hot Stone League

Larry Stone gives his take on a wide array of baseball issues and weighs in about the Mariners, too.

November 18, 2009 at 12:48 PM

Dumb and dumber: A poll unlike any other


We have been having a lively and spirited debate around the office this week.

No, not Felix Hernandez or Zack Greinke for Cy Young.

And not whether the Mariners should give Russ Branyan two years.

Not even whether bringing back Ken Griffey Jr. was a smart move or a cave-in to nostalgia.

Sure, we ponder those questions. But the real hot topic here is who made the stupidest, most absent-minded maneuver last week.

Unfortunately, I am one of the two candidates. The other, a fellow Seattle Times sports employee, shall remain unnamed, but he (or she) will still have to live with the burning shame of his (or her) bone-headed act, just as I will.

I have decided to let the people decide this weighty issue.

Here are the two stories (both absolutely true); just to be fair, I won’t reveal – yet – which one was done by me.

Incident No. 1: This person stopped to get some iced tea at a Starbucks overlooking Aurora Avenue in Seattle. She (or he) leisurely enjoyed the tea, and then went back to the car, only to find the keys were locked inside. No big deal – we’ve all done that. This person called AAA, and leaned against the car to wait for their arrival.

“Hmm,” he or she thought. “The car seems kind of warm. Oh, my God, it’s running!”

Yes, he or she had locked the keys in the car with the motor running. But that’s not the worst of it – when AAA finally arrived and unlocked the car, this person discovered that not only was the car running – it was in drive!!!!. Only a retaining wall kept it from catapulting down a hill onto the busy traffic of Aurora.

To review, bonehead candidate No. 1: Locked key in car with motor running and car in drive.

Incident No. 2: This person was hustling to work one busy morning last week, his (or her) mind churning with thoughts of various Mariners doings. He or she stopped for gas, set the pump on automatic, and popped into the convenience store to buy a soft drink. There was a line, and he or she continued to ponder the events of the day while waiting to pay.

The purchase completed, this distracted person hopped into the car, revved up the motor, put the car in drive and began to drive away. Suddenly, he or she heard pounding on his or her car and stopped to see what was the commotion. A man was frantically pointing at the gas nozzle – whch was still in the gas tank, with the hose now pulled taut.

Yes, this person was on the verge – as close as one could possibly come – to driving off with the gas pump still in the car, ready to pull the whole contraption apart and bump on down the road. Only the presence of a good Samaritan (one who reportedly was shaking his head in disbelief as said person sheepishly got out of his car and returned the gas pump back in its rightful place, put on the gas cap, and slunk back to his or her car).

To review, bonehead candidate No. 2: Began to drive away with gas pump still in tank, barely saved from disaster by nearby customer.

So here’s the poll, a simple question to end the raging debate. Remember, it is your responsibility as a citizen to vote.

Which act was more bone-headed?(opinion)



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