As the Mariners continue to crush the ball with homers like this by Raul Ibanez and this by Kyle Seager yesterday, giving them 24 in 11 spring games, it’s clearly time to hang a nickname on this bunch. I mean, you can’t call them a fluke anymore — the season is nearly a third over.
The Cactus League season, that is. I’m not crazy enough to forecast that this is going to continue once the Mariners move to Safeco Field — even a cozier Safeco Field — and they start playing for real. The debate about whether all this offense is predictive is a great one, but I’m not interested in that now. It’s time to honor their spring-training offensive prowess with a spring- training nickname. Every great offense has a nickname, like the Bronx Bombers, the Lumber Company, Harvey’s Wall Bangers, The Big Red Machine, and so on. The exhibition Mariners, by George (Herman Ruth), need one, too.
But I’m not going to suggest anything that will haunt me later if the Mariners regress to the weak-hitting team we’ve seen the past few years. Like I said, I’m not crazy. This nickname project is only built to last for the next three weeks — which Mariners fans hope isn’t the case with Seattle’s offense.
So here are some of my suggestions. If you’ve got any, I’d love to hear them.
The Dry Heat Elite
The Grand Slamyons
The Arizona Maul League
The Cactus Jackers
The Sonoran Slammers
The Camelback-back-back-back-back Attack (in honor of nearby Camelback Mountain)
The Peoria Pounders
The Peoria Have-A-Liners (in honor of their Arizona Fall League team, the Peoria Javelinas)
The Maricopa County Crushers
The Berm Firm (in honor of the grassy knoll in the outfield where balls land at the Peoria Sports Complex; speaking of which…)
The Peoria Sports Complex Wrecking Crew
The Arizona Yardinals
The Larry Hits-Geralds
The Circle-K Base Circlers (in honor of the ubiquitous mini-mart)
The Arizona Leverage Company (in honor of the Arizona Beverage Company, producers of Arizona Iced Tea)
The Arizona State Run Devils
The Desert Sand-Blasters
And finally, in honor of a mountain not quite as famous as its Colorado namesake, but standing proud in Maricopa County, here’s one that Mariner fans hope isn’t predictive:
The Pikes Peak-Too-Sooners