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Northwest Voices

Seattle Times letters to the editor

August 16, 2009 at 6:14 AM

The economy: a Seattleite’s report to the nation

Hey, we’re hanging in there

To all my friends around the country, regarding your question: “How’s the recovery going in Seattle these days?”

Oh, it’s going just great! Ph.D.s are looking for work outside the Home Depot, PCC is doing workshops on “Cooking with Grass and Other Backyard Delicacies,” the population of cats is diminishing rapidly, and I-5 was closed last week for a citywide block party.

Boeing is using their runway-maintenance vehicles as a fleet of ice-cream trucks. Microsoft is having a blowout blitz on all of their discontinued 2007 software (as-is, as usual), Starbuck’s introduced Instant Water, and Whole Foods changed its name to Half Foods.

The Mariners merged with Ivar’s last week, and Chase (nee WaMu) is offering grilled sandwiches at ATMs throughout the region.

As an incentive to create jobs, Mayor “Nickels for the Poor” Greg Nickels introduced a 20-hour workweek, which, of course, for Seattleites means that no work is being done anywhere.

The floating bridges have sunk, Seattle is cut off from the rest of the world, and the once-friendly citizens of Redmond and Bellevue have taken up arms against each other. Nordstrom’s is supplying uniforms for both sides.

The physical climate has changed as well — Safeco Field makes the NOLA stadium look like child’s play. They are turning out the lights tonight, and iCurfew starts in five minutes, so I have to go.

Ramen awaits!

Fondly,

Jobless in Seattle.

— Tom Lewis, Seattle

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