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Join the informed writers of The Times' editorial board in lively discussions at our blog, Opinion Northwest.

Topic: love

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June 20, 2013 at 6:00 AM

Reader responses to my column on living single in Seattle

Artwork by Donna Grethen/Tribune Media Services

Illustration by Donna Grethen / Op Art

I’ve received a few emails in response to my column about living single in Seattle. The comment thread is interesting, too. Here’s my response to a couple of those messages.

From Betty C., a woman who married at 26 in the 1970s but says times have changed and encourages today’s younger generation to wait:

The unexamined life is not worth living, so slow down and examine your life, environment and the intellect and character of your friends. Getting swept off your feet is stupid and immature. Keep both feet on the ground. Stick to your guns. Choices and options can always be re-examined later, but only if you want to revisit your choices. Do not let anyone push you into a choice of their own liking, but not a choice of YOUR OWN LIKING.

Amen, Betty. Thank you. According to 2011 U.S. Census data, I am one of about 44,000 women age 30 and up in Seattle who have never been married. It’s hard to drown out society’s expectations about marriage and children, but like I said in the column, it’s high time that women (and men) accept equal responsibility for our dating choices. I believe this leads to healthier relationships and better outcomes for families in our community.

Nationwide, 102 million Americans 18 and older — 44 percent of that population — are unmarried, according to the 2011 census. Pew’s research reports that more people are staying single longer. This is sure to have economic and social implications for society.

From another reader who withheld his name:


Comments | Topics: dating, love, relationships

June 12, 2013 at 11:48 AM

Chat rewind: Seattle’s dysfunctional dating scene

Guest columnist Danielle Campoamor calls Seattle’s dating scene dysfunctional and says it’s because men are too timid to approach women. If you missed it, check out her Saturday guest column, What’s wrong with Seattle’s dating scene. She also spoke to KIRO radio about her column. Do you think it’s true that Seattle men are…


Comments | More in Live chats | Topics: dating, love, men

June 10, 2013 at 7:13 AM

Poll: Are Seattle men bad at asking women out on dates?

In case you missed it, our Saturday guest column by Danielle Campoamor is a must read. In “What’s wrong with Seattle’s dating scene,” Campoamor says the problem is the men:

“Much like a Seattleite merging onto a freeway, our men’s apprehensive tendencies leave them incapable of finding either the open lane or the open bar stool.”

When I pitched the op-ed idea to Campoamor, I was thinking back on my own dating life before I got married, and how I realized after a year of living in Seattle that I would have to ask men out if I wanted to go on any dates at all. Seattle men I encountered at social events were too passive to make the first move.

For awhile I wondered whether I was just unattractive, until I left town for other cities. Living in Seattle was like residing on the planet Krypton. As soon as I went to elsewhere, total strangers would strike up conversations with me. My average of getting asked out on the road was 1.0000.

I once got asked out on a Los Aneles freeway. A car repeatedly flashed his brights at me, then pulled up alongside and pointed for me to pull over. I pulled off the freeway, thinking my headlights were out. The driver got out of his car, knocked on my passenger window and said, “Would you like to go out sometime?”

The circle of passive men extends to my husband, Danny O’Neil.


Comments | More in Polls | Topics: dating, love, men

March 15, 2013 at 6:00 AM

There’s nothing romantic about ‘The Bachelor’ or reality TV

Aw. How nice. The nation is abuzz this week over some Seattleites and their connection to ABC’s hit show, “The Bachelor.” Former contestant/world-famous crier Jason Mesnick and his wife, Molly, welcomed a baby girl. Local graphic designer Catherine Giudici received the final rose and a giant ring from this season’s leading man, Sean Lowe.

I fancy myself a romantic, but watching the clip below from this week’s finale nearly made me regurgitate an otherwise delicious take-out dinner. I had to stop about 45 seconds in. You like cheesy stuff? Try making it through this…

When did I become such a cynic? I believe in love. I just don’t see how we can believe in the kind of love fed to us on reality television.

New York Times columnist Gail Collins hit the nail on the head in this exchange with David Brooks from their weekly blog, “The Opinionator”:

David, do you find it strange that we live in a country where arranged marriages are regarded as unwise and antiquated, yet one of the longest running programs on television is about a bunch of young women who compete for the affection of a young man none of them had ever met before? A show where it is preordained that at the end of the season said bachelor will announce that he is in love with two of them and will need the full two-hour finale to choose his mate?

Yes, Gail. It’s very strange.


Comments | More in Video | Topics: catherine giudici, jason mesnick, love