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Popcorn & Prejudice: A Movie Blog

Seattle Times writer Moira Macdonald muses on moviegoing. Email Moira: mmacdonald@seattletimes.com.

August 18, 2010 at 10:14 AM

A lament for “Piranha 3D”

Some days, you just have to bravely soldier on, even when you know that you won’t get to review “Piranha 3D.” And why not? Because it’s not screening for the press here in Seattle, because . . . well, it’s a movie called “Piranha 3D,” which is the most critic-proof title since “Snakes on a Plane.” (And why don’t I just go to the first Seattle screening, buy a ticket and review it? Because some stringer on the East Coast can do it three hours before I can, and editors don’t like to wait if they don’t have to.) But I just might have to go anyway. I’ve just watched the trailer a couple of times, and become strangely transfixed by a) the fact that the piranha look disturbingly like little John Malkoviches with teeth; b) Elisabeth Shue delivering the line “I want to know what the hell this thing is doing in my lake!” like she means it (sorry, but this doesn’t remotely compare to “I have had it with these m-f-ing snakes on this m-f-ing plane!”); c) the excitable older fellow who says everything reeaalllly slowly (“The blood . . . draws . .. the pack”); d) the fact that apparently this beach has a rule that nobody unattractive can go anywhere near it.
Producer Alix Taylor, in the movie’s press notes, describes “Piranha 3D” as: “It’s got naked girls, crazy fish, great actors, a fun story line, and 3-D.” Note the order in which he lists these things.

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