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Popcorn & Prejudice: A Movie Blog

Seattle Times writer Moira Macdonald muses on moviegoing. Email Moira: mmacdonald@seattletimes.com.

May 31, 2011 at 9:13 AM

Let’s plot “The Hangover Part III”

I think everyone knew “The Hangover Part II” would be a hit — but who thought it would make $103 million over the holiday weekend, making it the biggest 3-day opening ever for a comedy, and leading the highest-grossing Memorial Day weekend ever. This despite the fact that pretty much everyone I’ve heard from, critics and non-critics alike, thinks the movie’s a lazy, not-very-funny copy of the much-better original. (Maybe it plays better if you’ve had a few drinks before? Note to self: try this sometime.)
So it looks like Phil, Stu and Alan are here to stay, and we may as well have a little fun with the inevitable. What would be a good plotline for “The Hangover Part III”? Note that you’ll need to identify the city (any but Las Vegas and Bangkok, obviously), the wedding party, the missing body part (a tooth in Part I, a finger in Part II), the reason for poor Doug to be left out of the action, the inevitable car chase, the random appearance of an animal (a chicken in Part I; a monkey in Part II), and the Mike Tyson cameo. Here’s my best shot:
Phil (Bradley Cooper, a.k.a. The Handsome One) is getting married, to a nurse he met while treating injuries sustained by letting Alan (Zach Galifianakis, a.k.a. The One Played By Zach Galifianakis) drive him home from the airport after the events of “Part II.” The wedding will be in Bruges, for no particular reason except that no major-studio comedy has ever been filmed there, and because the Irish hit man played by Colin Farrell in “In Bruges” is still hanging out there, waiting for a job. The night before the wedding, Phil (Ed Helms, a.k.a. The Dentist) has an accident involving Novocaine that somehow leads to everyone losing consciousness except Doug, who’s locked in the men’s room at that particular moment and thus has to spend the rest of the movie desperately trying to make various apps work on his iPhone. This time, the missing person is Phil’s cousin Don (played by Jon Hamm, simply because I would like him to be in this movie), who has been kidnapped by the Colin Farrell character and is being held for ransom, which the guys learn via a note written on the back of a Chihuahua and the fact that all of Don’s toenail clippings have been sent to them via FedEx. A car chase ensues, with all the cars driven by Mike Tyson; meanwhile, friends assemble at a charming medieval church for the wedding, become extremely irritable upon hearing of the groom’s absence, and make plans to hire their own hit man, but not before eating all of the appetizers. Everything works out for the best, because friends are always there for each other and because Don turns out to have simply changed his identity and begun a new life as an ad salesman.
But that’s just my version. How about you?
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Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms try to figure out a better plot in “The Hangover Part II” (photo credit: Melinda Sue Gordon, photo courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures)

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