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Popcorn & Prejudice: A Movie Blog

Seattle Times writer Moira Macdonald muses on moviegoing. Email Moira: mmacdonald@seattletimes.com.

December 27, 2012 at 11:04 AM

A list of New Year’s resolutions . . . for others

(P&P doesn’t really dwell in the realms of celebrity gossip, but I nonetheless feel it my duty to point out today that Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet earlier this month was secretly married to somebody whose actual legal name is Ned Rocknroll. As Dave Barry would say, I am not making this up. I try not to overuse the word “awesome,” but it seems to fit in this case, particularly if the couple’s theoretical subsequent children have the surname of Winslet-Rocknroll.)
As the new year draws near, it’s time to start thinking about resolutions. Sure, I’ve got a few for myself (the usual tiresome stuff about drinking more water and getting more exercise and paying more attention to what really needs to be hand-washed), but it’s much more fun to make resolutions for other people. So, here are a few; feel free to add your own:
For Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, or really any recent Oscar-winning actress with clout: I will find a smart, funny, charming, delightful romantic comedy script. Hollywood is a big place; there’s got to be one lurking somewhere.
For Tina Fey: Now that I’m done with “30 Rock,” perhaps I’ll find time to write that smart, funny, charming, delightful romantic comedy script that’s been rolling around in my head.
For all who design movie multiplexes: I will remember that people enjoy movies more if they can actually see them. (Pity this cannot apply retroactively to whoever designed the Meridian.)
For Christopher Nolan: I will take some well-earned time off from superheroes, then come back with something completely unexpected. (A musical? A period drama? A Western? We shall see.)
For Judi Dench: I will ask my agent to find me a new franchise, immediately.
For every Hollywood producer tempted to make a feature film inspired by a board game, or a toy, or a pregnancy how-to manual: I will think of a better idea.
For the distributors of “Les Miserables”: I will make a sing-along print of the film, complete with lyrics, available ASAP — because this will be a GREAT sing-along movie.
For the people who insist on singing along with “Les Miserables” in theaters: I will remember that I am not Hugh Jackman or Anne Hathaway, and will wait for an official sing-along version.
For Ben Affleck and Kathryn Bigelow: I will figure out a way to teach other filmmakers how to make a movie completely suspenseful even though the audience knows exactly how it will end, because I somehow do this very well.
For movie theater owners and managers: I will quietly disable cellphone signals to my auditoriums, and ask any complainers why they bought a movie ticket if they need to use their phone throughout. And I will stop oversalting the popcorn.
For everyone editing a 2013 would-be blockbuster: I will remember that not every movie needs to be two-and-a-half hours long.
Got any more? I may add more later. Happy New Year to all!

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