BY JOE GERLITZ
I’ve been a season-ticket holder in the Hawks Nest with a few pals of mine (Pete, T-Bone, K-Flan) since 2002. We’ve experienced some unbelievable moments over the years.
That loss to the Pats to the Super Bowl was crushing, however. For a sports fan, that’s as devastating as it gets, and it’s going to take a very long time to get over it. If that’s even possible.
After being furious about the loss for about 24 hours, I thought writing a fictional Craigslist post might be therapeutic. And it was, in a way.
It was simply my way of grieving the loss so that any thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic on my way home from work would be fleeting.
Looking to buy or rent a time-traveling DeLorean.
My sole purpose in acquiring this vehicle is to travel back one week to try to talk to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll. The conversation I plan to have is private and in no way should have any bearing on the decision to sell or rent me the car.
So please don’t ask.
But if you must know my plan is to catch Coach in the Seahawks’ hotel lobby. I’ll likely say, “Coach, this Sunday the Super Bowl is going to go down to the wire.”
And he’ll say, “Hey, that’s great.”
“It sure is,” I’ll say. “We’ll be 1 yard from repeating as Super Bowl champs. We’ll have 26 seconds on the clock, one timeout and the best running back in football in the backfield. So please hear me clearly when I say: RUN THE FOOTBALL.”
And he’ll say, “Run the football. Got it.”
“With all due respect, Coach, I don’t think you do,” I’ll say. “For some reason you’ll want to throw a slant here.”
“A slant?” he’ll ask.
“A slant. To Ricardo Lockette.”
“Lockette? Really? Our special-teams guy?”
“But we’re not a slant-throwing team.”
Then he’ll say, “A slant can be risky. I can see Revis picking that.”
And I’ll swallow hard and say, “Or a fifth cornerback who was working at Popeye’s Chicken a few years ago.”
“Don’t worry about that. Just run the ball.”
We’ll probably shake hands, at which point, I’ll secretly slip a note into his blazer.
The note will say: “I’m not kidding. It’s Marshawn Lynch we’re talking about. Run the ball. Let Darrell Bevell know, too.”
Then I’ll get into the car and return to the present.
So, yeah, I’m looking for a time-traveling DeLorean. Power windows and locks preferred.
The response to my ad has been great. A local radio station threw it up on its Facebook page. Craigslist has taken the post down now, but it seems like most people got a much-needed laugh out of it.
Moving forward, I thankfully have a great wife and baby at home who help to provide a nice distraction from the loss. The best thing is that my little girl can’t talk yet, so there’s no fear of her asking, “Dad, why the heck didn’t they run Lynch again?” anytime soon.
Joe Gerlitz, 38, is an advertising copywriter who has been a season-ticket-holder in the Hawks Nest since 2002. He lives with his wife and daughter in Seattle.
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